Remember those guys in clubs that always keep standing against the wall, doing nothing but staring at the opposite wall? I used to be one of them. Not being able to dance was an insecurity issue for me, which is why I was never very fond of going to clubs. I thought I would look ridiculous doing something I had no idea about.
Sound familiar? I hope not, but if it does, read on.
To tell you the truth, I can’t dance even now, but I was able to leave the comfort of the wall, and join the action. And it required exactly that—getting out of my comfort zone.
When we’re insecure, we tend to develop all sorts of bizarre theories, or misconceptions.
- I’m gonna look like a dork.
- Girls are gonna laugh at me.
- No one will want to dance with me.
If we go back a few years, those were my exact thoughts.
But when I could finally get over my phobia, I realized that all the theories I had been obsessing over were just utter nonsense. Just false beliefs fabricated by a naïve mind.
When I made the transition, I may have looked like a dork, but at least no one was laughing at me. In fact, not a single person was looking at what I was doing. People were just having fun and minding their own business. In the end, it became comfortable and quite enjoyable to move with the flow. Misconception 1 and 2 gone—bam!
I later noticed that most of the other guys dancing out there didn’t have any rhythmic talent or superior dancing ability at all. They were just mostly rocking left and right while swinging their arms rather unchoreographically, with the occasional drunk chap, of course, going all limbo and sh*t.
Probably the best way to get over your fears quickly is to go to a club with as many friends (both male and female) as possible. Having people whom you know around you helps you to get out of your comfort zone and take the first steps. You won’t feel as naked as you would if you were on a “hunting trip” with your best friend. Smile, and have fun with your friends.
And if you’re harboring the thought that no girl will want to dance with you, you’d be surprised how easy it is to start jamming with complete strangers. The thing is, if you’re just going to be leaning against the club wall with a Long Island Iced Tea secured at chest-level, and waiting for an angel to pick you up… sorry, ain’t gonna happen. Clubs don’t work like that—at least not anymore. People that want to dance go out onto the dance floor and start mingling. You’ll see groups of girls dancing as a unit, but there are always moments when you can blend in or catch outliers without interrupting the flow.
To dance with another girl, there’s only one simple solution: go up to her and engage. You don’t need to ask for permission. In fact, it’s better not to if dancing isn’t your ultimate goal, as you’d probably lose your chances the moment you started asking for approval. But that’s another blog post. People go to clubs to enjoy dancing. It would be a whole different story if you walked up to a girl in a grocery store and started rubbing your crotch against her butt.
In the beginning, going for the mark can feel like the worst thing in the world but the more girls you approach, the more comfortable it gets, and you’ll notice that they generally tend to enjoy being approached and danced with. Girls want to be noticed too, you know.
A good way to practice approaching other girls is to target ones that are adjacent to your own group. Instead of directly walking up to her, you should try to transition from your group over to her spot while staying in tune with the rhythm. If the girl seems uninterested or obnoxious, you’d better move away quickly because you wouldn’t want to waste time on a bitchy girl. It’s her loss anyway, not yours.
Approaching girls also leads to another misconception—that is, relating to angry boyfriends. But worry not: boyfriends are not going to kick your ass automatically if you accidentally try to dance with their girl. When you notice that you’re intruding on private property, you can always make a gesture of apology and move back to your own group. No harm done. Drunk boyfriends can be a burden but being polite and withdrawing quickly will usually do the trick. Never start arguing or fighting, because both of you will get thrown out.
Some tricks and techniques…
I understand that getting over one’s fears is a process that can take some serious effort. So, in order to triumph faster and with style, I’ve prepared some basic dance lessons for you. I recommend you start with the topmost video. Work on your dance moves at your own pace, and most importantly, experiment with them and have fun in the real environment. Try them out with your friends.
And If you like the instructional videos, don’t forget to check out the complete Club Dance for Men Level 1 DVD set.